Monday, December 6, 2010

...Youtube is a legitimate way to get famous...

This thought has been nestling in the back of my head for quite some time now, and it bothers me a bit.

Now before you all get up in arms about legitimately talented people getting a break, I'm not talking about them (but I will for a bit to remind myself of the good side of this story before plummeting into the depths of retarded mediocrity). Back when youtube came out, the content that was posted was rather...bland. People didn't understand the concept of the site and were hesitant to post anything at all. But once people began to realize that it was a great way to make a name for one's self in an otherwise completely anonymous internet world, they started to take advantage of it. Many artists have gotten their start on youtube. Jon Lajoie, Bo Burnham, Pomplamoose, each of which absolutely deserve each and every minute of fame as they have made something for themselves. Youtube is a great starting point for aspiring musicians (no not fucking Soulja Boy...REAL musicians), up and coming directors and film editors, and even athletes (No seriously I could watch those damn parkour videos all day).

But it's not the good things about youtube that I dislike...actual talent doesn't bother me whatsoever. What bothers me is the absolute steaming pile of inane bullshit that people now call entertainment. Seriously the inordinate amount of fame these people have gathered completely eclipses the amount of ACTUAL GOOD TALENT on youtube. Yes yes Justin Bieber's fame was also bred of youtube's now diseased womb, but again, he is only bordering on the kind of inanity I am referring to.

I present to you one minute and thirty seven seconds of auditory skull-fuckery.

I'm gonna go get a drink, let me know when you're finished.... how'd that go for you? Was it awful for you too? How far did you get before you wanted to strangle the nearest cutest living creature to you just to remove it from this horrible world?

Well it gets worse...and but worse...I mean FUCKING worse. Do you see that number? Right there...right under the video? Yeah you see that there? That almost reads 2 million. ALMOST TWO FUCKING MILLION. And what's worse, the guy has 84 FUCKING VIDEOS ALL WITH THE SAME VIEW-RATE. Yes THIS asshole who SOMEHOW got famous just by tweaking the pitch of his voice in POST PRODUCTION.

Maybe I'm just bitter because this is just another one of those "Goddammit I could have done that" moments (ie. How I always feel in modern art museums). But his youtube fame doesn't end here. Oh no dear reader. This accursed being has a feature length movie. Yes a fucking feature length movie. That means someone who has a fuckton more money than YOU and I COMBINED saw THESE VIDEOS and thought to himself..."Holy shit, that man MUST be on DVD". Well dear Mr. or Ms. (because I'm an equal opportunity slanderer on this here website) millionaire, put away the pile of cocaine for a moment and just hear me out. You know how you invested all that money in this douchebag? yeah you know who needs that money more than him? ME! That's right I NEED MONEY TOO! If you're gonna pay him for that level of retarded bullshit, why don't you pay me for THIS LEVEL OF RETARDED BULLSHIT? WHY DON'T I HAVE A BOOK DEAL, A COMMISSIONED OIL PAINTING FOR MY AUTHOR'S PHOTO AND AN OPRAHS BOOK CLUB STICKER YET?! Ok well then stick your head BACK in the cocaine bucket and THEN explain to me why it's a bad idea!

...And that's what I learned today.

PS: Yes I am well aware that I am only causing more trouble by linking you all to his video, but there really is no better way...also only like 5 people read my blog...

PPS: I am legitimately interested in seeing how long you all managed to watch. Post a comment below and tell me how much of that you got through. The winner is the one who watches the longest without dying. You'll get a fantastic prize!


  1. the entire video, amazingly...

  2. I did watch the entire video and then clicked on a clip of the movie. As stated by the title of said video, I didn't believe it existed. While I watched I was secretly hoping it was all a cruel joke... It's not.


  3. I never joke around on my blog. It's all serious business all the time :P

  4. Only a few seconds short of the entire thing... I was completely confused and watched it with my wtf face because seriously. Wtf.


  5. 6 seconds... thats all I could stand...