Tuesday, November 16, 2010

...If Work was more like School...

...People probably wouldn't complain nearly as much as they do.

Now I'm not talking about school like High School where everything sucked, your life was miserable, and you hated everything about everything and everyone. (yes you thought that, just like I thought that, just like EVERYONE thought that. Why do you think Linkin Park even exists as a band? They are walking proof of this fact) I'm talking about school where Play-Doh, Smelly Markers and nap times were a mandatory part of your day. Seriously though, who wouldn't love to work at a place that provided dry erase markers that smelled like fake watermelon?

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love all the people I work with. But what work place wouldn't be enhanced by the accouterments that came with elementary school nonsense? Instead of just getting performance reports, you could get that SAME performance report...but with a scratch 'n sniff sticker that says "Great!" on it. That way you can feel good about how you did that quarter AND scratch a smiley face sticker and have your desk smell of grapes. If there was one thing I learned in college over anything else, it was that I missed being a kid, and college was a second chance at that. (An alcohol fueled, debauchery filled, and drama studded second chance, but a second chance nonetheless). Why should the so called super serious working world be any different?

More importantly, how has nobody seen this significant gap in the market? We're not just talking about office supplies here, we're talking about super awesome scented office supplies. Post-its that smell like green apple, highlighters that smell like bubble gum, envelopes that smell like chocolate, the list just goes on and on and on! Now granted there are some serious concerns around this, such as all the smells mixing together in your drawer and unleashing a hellish mix of odors (that can likely only be replicated by mixing every single Bath and Body Works product together, blended with Pixy Stix and snorted) every single time you open the drawer just to get a pen, but such are the prices you pay for awesome. Sacrifices must be made to make this dream a reality.

So this is my official appeal to whoever makes the smelly markers. Please please PLEASE find a way to make office supplies. I can guarantee you that every single office worker in my generation (those that had a childhood as sweet as mine anyways) will buy you're product, and continue to buy your product until they retire.

As for me, I plan on making my office a more childish place every single day, starting by putting forward an action item for and end of week deliverable that states that we should build a massive couch/pillow fort in the middle of our office, inside of which we should make a fake campfire out of tissue paper and a flashlight. From there, I will suggest that all of our team meetings should be held there from here on out and that, prior to speaking, each and every attending member must begin with "Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story..." and only from there are they allowed to bring up a new topic for discussion.

I cannot see how any of this could go wrong.

And that is what I learned today.

PS Holy fucking shit I think I managed to write an ENTIRE blog post without swearing once! Fuck yeah!

1 comment:

  1. I would like to officially claim some of the credit for that idea since I believe our conversation started that thought train. Have you ever watched "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"? It is definitely creepier than Goosebumps. :)