Thursday, November 18, 2010

...Getting stuck in an elevator is kinda freaky...

I'm sorry I missed yesterday's post, so as a way of apologizing, let me tell you how my day has been going so far. (based on a true story)

Everything has been pretty much normal. Woke up at the normal time, ate breakfast (while perusing facebook, because I'm a champ like that), brushed my teeth, changed and headed in to Alewife. The ride on the T was utterly uneventful and the soundtrack for this particular T ride was Black Holes and Revelations by Muse. Getting off the T, I met up with my Co-worker Nick. He and I walked from the T stop into the office building, talking about the various things we were doing over this past week and what we have left. As we entered the lobby, he grabbed an elevator that was pretty near capacity. I decided I didn't want to jam in (as another elevator just opened up and it was empty) so I said I'd grab this one and meet him upstairs.

Well apparently he made the RIGHT choice and I made a very wrong one.

So my 'vator consisted of myself, a woman who worked two floors below me, and a guy (I say guy, he's more like a giant...probably topping out at around 6'4" or 6'5"....shut up I know I'm short....) who works on my floor. So the demon 'vator stops at 5. No problem. Lets the nice lady out and the doors slide shut. Little did we know that that would be the LAST TIME THOSE DOORS WOULD EVER OPEN! (DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!! M. Night Shyamalan couldn't write something this epic...oh wait....)

So the elevator, that deceptive bitch, rides up to the 7th floor and shudders to a halt. Natural instinct took over as I headed for the door, only to be stopped short by...well...a face full of door. Confused and concerned, I checked to see if we had made it to our floor. The light on the button was out, and the number indicator read 7. It took only moments for it to sink in that we were stuck. Thoughts of that youtube video of the guy stuck in an elevator for 36 hours came to mind (as did the preview for the movie Devil <-see? see what I did there? That's clever!) and I realized that my situation was far different. He was stuck in an elevator alone. I was stuck with another dude (A super nice dude who was willing to share his starbucks and dunkins with me should we be stuck om that elevator for any extended period of time, but a dude all the same). "What's the big deal with that?" many of you may be wondering. Well...keeping in mind that I still had that poor bastard who pulled 36 hours in an elevator, my mind naturally began planning out our inevitable extended stay, including picking a corner for lavatory functions. More importantly, I would have to muster up the courage to pee in the corner of an elevator with another guy NOT SIX FEET AWAY FROM ME. Therein lies the rub.

Frantically, I began slapping my badge and hitting buttons like a caged animal. I needed to get out of there, to avoid the hell that that poor poor man went through in that elevator. (Or perhaps to avoid the hell that M Night Shyamalan puts his characters through in the upcoming thriller DEVIL) The elevator gave a few more halfhearted shudders and shakes, as I moved from just hitting the 7 button to trying 4, 5, 6, thinking "fuck it, if this elevator goes down to 5, I'll just fucking walk up. I don't care at this point."

Finally, after hours (read minutes...) of tension, the doors open and I burst out into the elevator lobby on my floor. I fell to my knees and wept, as I breathed that cool, sweet, free air (naturally this got some strange looks, but I didn't care). And then I went to my desk to recount my harrowing ordeal to my co-workers, who were naturally concerned for my well being, as I had been gone for nearly a month at this point. Overjoyed at my return, we instantly slaughtered a pig and roasted it in the pod to celebrate my heroic return as the mead flowed freely and we drank from golden goblets.

And then I got back to work....


And that's what I learned today.

(Some parts of this MAY have been exaggerated a little bit...but I did actually get stuck in an elevator for a little while today.)


  1. I'd like to share with you that I was laughing out loud at your lavish vocabulary and story-telling skills. The guy sitting next to me in the library has glanced over irritably several times.

    I'm glad you survived this mentally-taxing ordeal.

  2. So fun fact, as I had to continue using elevators to go about my day, I kept getting in THAT ONE. Each time I got in there, I was praying silently that I would be able to leave...