Wednesday, February 9, 2011

...I'm a competitive person...

...sort of...

If you were to ask me if I am a competitive person, generally I'd probably say no. I'm not a huge fan of conflict, I don't like arguing (unless it's on the internet) and I'm typically pretty nonchalant. I definitely don't feel the need (nor do I have the energy...scratch that....nor do I want to put in the effort) to fight everyone all the time. Honestly, being competitive is exhausting. Yet put me in the right situation and you'll watch me become a cold blooded competitive asshole. (Call of Duty, Settlers of Catan, debating whether or not Han shot first etc.)

There is a new challenge in my life that has rekindled my will to fight, a new calling that has ignited my warrior spirit. This is no simple video game, no resources are traded here. There is only the sweet nectar of victory, or the bitter bile of defeat. This is a sport of kings, no mere mortal may partake of this tournament of champions. I refer of course to the game of padiddle.

A little back story first.

Whenever I ride in my friend Jake's car, he always used to play, even if I wasn't. At first it didn't really bother me, but after a while, I decided to rejoin the game after nearly a decade of the retired life. Well needless to say, I was demolished. But that defeat was inspirational. Like Rocky Balboa after his first humiliating defeat to Apollo Creed, or the beginning of Micky Ward's fighting career in The Fighter, or the Jamaican bobsled team throughout pretty much ALL of Cool Runnings, I knew that this defeat was the beginning of my meteoric rise to victory and glory. But getting there would not be easy. The road to becoming a padiddle prodigy was one paved with blood, sweat, tears, bruised knuckles, distracted driving, and my passenger constantly asking me "what the fuck are you doing?" and "Aren't you actually supposed to SAY padiddle?" Fuckin' amateurs.

I have yet to face off against my rival in Jake. The last time we faced one another, it was a near dead tie (I took the lead by a single, solitary point). That last face off has motivated me to train ever harder, constantly trying to sharpen the reflexes, skills of observation as well as finding sitting and driving positions that will edge out that extra split second. Practice makes perfect they say, and once I find the most ideal location to hit the roof of my car that will allow for the fastest padiddling time, I will truly have the home field advantage.

Padiddle is my life.

...And that's what I learned today.

PS No I have not yet made the move to strip padiddle. That is an entirely foreign format to me and I'm sure it will require an entirely different set of skills to achieve strip padiddle success. Also playing alone is just fucking weird.


  1. I'm sorry. I've missed something here. I've missed a couple of somethings here, actually.

    First, why is there a debate as to whether or not Han shot first? He did shoot first, like the cold, ruthless smuggler that he is. Who thinks that he didn't shoot first?

    Second...what's padiddle? I kept thinking you were going to explain what "playing padiddle" was somewhere...but you never actually did. So I can't possibly understand what's going on.

  2. A. You can't be competitive in settlers if you have ZERO strategy. lol

    B. Strip Padiddle isn't hard, just intense... like camping.

    Be careful when practicing. I know someone who once broke her wrist from hitting to enthusiastically.

    Chanel- A padiddle is a car with only one working headlight. When one is spotted you are required to hit the roof of the car. The last person to do so loses.

  3. Oh...we play a version of that called "diddle" and you hit the last person to say it. And we play "four lights," which is when you see a car that has four headlights, like a truck, and then the last person to touch the roof has to take off an article of clothing. It seems you guys play a combined version of the two.

  4. *sigh* I'm commenting again but only because I'm following the rules. I received a blog award, and in turn passed it on to you, and I have to tell you that you can go to my blog to pick it up and learn the rules if you want to pass it on.