Monday, March 28, 2011

Shitty music monday #2

Yes that's right, to make up for my utter lack of posting last week, I've decided to post a regular post AS WELL AS a shitty music monday!

So without further's today's Shitty music!

I submit for your disapproval: Stick Stickly by Attack Attack

Ah screamo. A genre populated entirely by people whose parents don't understand them...probably because they all seem to communicate the same way howler monkeys do. (If you don't know what that sounds like, think tusken raiders from Star Wars). Yes these poor societal misfits deal with all their issues by screaming them into a microphone until they are lightheaded from having screamed so much (you know because that's probably the closest they'll ever get to true happiness or something right?) Well I can appreciate screamo for whatever societal value it provides to our angry adolescent populace, but this song is something else entirely. This time, I'm not only challenging my readers to listen to the whole thing, I'm requiring them to. Seriously, the end makes up for EVERYTHING that the rest of the song puts you through. In fact...the rest of this post is likely going to be a MASSIVE spoiler if you don't listen to the song go do that...I'll wait.

1) Music: This is your usual screamo/hardcore/numetal/whatever you want to call it power chords chug-a-lug nonsense for the most part. But what I love (read as hate) about this song is the random twists they decide to throw in part way through. First, at around 1:43, a classical, undistorted piano arpeggio floats out of the speakers, in sharp contrast to the rest of the song. I'm guessing the poor keyboard player, whose parents no doubt required him to take copious piano lessons as a child (THAT'S WHY HE'S SO MISUNDERSTOOD!!!!) fought tooth and nail for that two second bit so that his years of anguish and strife were worth something in the end. BUT that's not all. That piano riff was but a mere foreshadowing of what was to come.

I'm sure you, like I did when I first heard this song, was taken aback by the major plot twist towards the end. In a move that only M. Night. Shyamalan could have masterminded, Attack Attack decided that the last finishing touch to their opus was about 30 seconds worth of 90's ravepop that Cascada would have been proud to call her own. Now I can appreciate some genre-mashing. In fact I adore Girl Talk and Super Mash Bros. But this is something completely different. This is not the artistic intertwining of two styles to create a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. No this is straight up musical schizophrenia.

2) Vocals: Screaming. That pretty much sums up about 66% of the "vocal abilities" that this band puts on display. And while I'm sure it takes a measure of talent to scream like a hellspawn demon with an atomic wedgie, they are not quite what I would call vocally talented in the most traditional sense. And, seemingly in response to complaints I had not even yet aired, Attack Attack decided to incorporate actual vocals. But, because all the cool kids like T. Paine were using autotune, Attack Attack naturally had to incorporate it, you know because you're not cool unless you do it right? Well what results is yet another schizophrenic, and quite frankly jarring transition between incoherent screaming and whiny autotuned pop punk bitching.

3) Lyrics: Now naturally I had to go and look these things up, and here's where things get REALLY fucking weird. Before I go forward, I'll post some choice lyrics here:

We live for what He's worth,
and thats more than youll know.
He died for what He loved,
and what he loved was you.

Thaaaaaat's right. See how the word "He" is capitalized? Do you know what "He" that is referring to? Did you all come up with the answer "God?" Well you'd be right. I never thought I would ever hear Christian Screamo...nor did I ever even think I would use those words in the same sentence...(except perhaps in the context of "my friend Christian likes screamo". Either way, it's best if you simply don't think about the words too much. Between the religious overtones and the "You never said this would be easy" QQ-ing, there is incredibly little substance to behold.

4) Video: I can ignore the music, I can ignore the schizophrenic style. In fact, all of that I can easily simply chalk up to differences in taste. But nobody, and I do mean NOBODY, can justify the shittiness of this music video. Where to even begin, the same-y haircuts, the synchronized headbanging, the black deep-v shirts and jeans uniform? Ignoring all of that, the single worst part of this music video is the obvious power squat competition that seems to be going on between the members of this band. As the music video continues, the squats get deeper. Honestly, considering the tightness of the pants involved, it's a wonder they didn't suffer some kind of catastrophic testicular damage. Add to that the synchronized running in place and the blond girl who seems ENTIRELY disinterested in being there and you've got a recipe for the an absolutely terrible music video.

5) Summary: I could probably be argued with about a difference in taste accounting for a good amount of my dislike for this song, but the fact of the matter is, this video is simply unspeakably bad. Between the shitty costuming, the awful headbanging and power squat choreography and the blatant overacting on the part of the non scream-y vocalist, tearing at his black v-neck t-shirt as if he was being bitten by thousands of ants. In the end, this is just a terrible experience that I'm sure we would all like to forget.

Suggested Audience: Angsty teenagers who don't really have much of anything to complain about and who are having trouble reconciling their burning need to express their horrible angst and their desire to rock out with the best top 40 poppy nonsense.

1 comment:

  1. This entire thing was like what might have happened if Black Metal got really drunk and woke up next to something unspeakable in the morning...