Monday, January 31, 2011

...Trying new things is great, succeeding would be better...

In what I'm sure will become a series that will quickly become known as "this is why we can't have nice things Eric" here's the first in an installment of why I can't have nice things...(Nice being a relative term of course).

So when I was a kid, I never used chapstick...ever. Not once did balm touch my lips voluntarily. (Many of you more intellectual readers will likely be baffled by the "voluntarily" part. Well simply put, the only time I ever got anything put on was when my parents forced me to sit down so they could wrestle some chapstick on my lips....oh and that one time Leah put lip gloss on me in Chorus...)

Well now that I've grown older, and with it, more jaded, bitter and spiteful, I've come to realize just how much I hate chapped lips. I'm sure you, like myself, used to hate the feeling of the skip on your lips cracking and peeling. Well I'm sure that UNLIKE myself, you actually went and did something about it (ie chapstick). Well I wasn't so smart. I hated the feeling of chapstick so much that I would bite my lips to try and get rid of that feeling. I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. Yep, more cracking and bleeding...and that got annoying all the time, but somehow in my stupid teenage mind...THAT was still better than putting on chapstick.

Well I've finally given in at the tender age of 23 (oh yeah it was my birthday on thursday the 27th, so lah dee dah to that...I'm an old fart now) and gone out and bought chapstick.

Perhaps it's my feelings of financial invincibility, or perhaps I'm just bad with money, but I decided over the weekend that I was going to buy chapstick, and not just any kind either. I resolved to get that Burt's Bees stuff, you know...because I've seen all the girls using it and if there's anyone I trust with this sort of thing, it's the people that have been caring about their health LONG before I even knew such a concept existed. So at the grocery store, I picked up two of them, figuring one of them would eventually go wrong or blow up in the tube or something. Feeling smug and satisfied, I put some on AS SOON AS I got into the car. (Ask any guy, as soon as they get something new to play with, they'll want to play with it immediately).

Fast forward to this morning. I'm getting ready for work. Knowing it's going to be a cold day, I pocket the open Burt's Bees tube and head out to my car. I pulled out my keys with particular gusto this time (OBVIOUSLY still proud of myself for buying and USING chapstick) and start my car. About 5 minutes down the road, I realize something isn't quite right. I know I'm not already used to the feeling of chapstick in my pocket, so where is that battery shaped lump of wax?

Guess what? It was ALREADY LOST. Within 24 HOUR of purchasing, somewhere between MY HOUSE AND MY CAR, it was gone forever. I searched for it upon my return home only to find NOTHING. Now I don't know if you believe in magic or miracles or anything of the sort, but surely you believe in skill, and I defy ANYONE to show me that they managed to lose something in even less time.

Thank god I bought two huh?

...And that's what I learned today.


  1. Burt's doesn't leave that nasty sticky feeling when you use it, and it doesn't smell like cough syrup. That's why it's so popular with the ladies.

    Since you've issued a challenge...

    I have you beat. I bought a new kind of shampoo and conditioner when I went to the store to get shine serum. I'm an impulsive shopper, and they were in pretty orange bottles that were wavy with these moss green tops. It's all about the packaging for me: I couldn't resist. I made it to the car with all of it in the bag. When I got home and in my bathroom, I had the conditioner and the serum. No shampoo. It wasn't on the stairs. In the car. In the parking lot. In my living room. Nowhere. I NEVER found that bottle of shampoo. I called the store to see if it had fallen in the parking lot, but nothing had been turned in. I didn't even have it an HOUR. I didn't even get to USE it. I wish I had bought a back up, but who expects to lose shampoo?

  2. I hate burt's bees. It feels awkward and waxy, doesn't smell nice, and it doesn't leave your lips kissable (yes, women find men's lips to be kissable, AND LOVE/WANT IT). I have an ENTIRE DRAWER of lip care products and Aveeno is by far the best (well, Rosebud Salve is but that's faaaar too feminine slash leaves your lips shiny like lipgloss BUT ISN'T STICKY. Ever made out with a girl with lipgloss on? I can't even stand pursing my lips with the stuff on). Trust me, Aveeno is perfect AND has spf 15--the burt's leaves me with white lips :( Plus, bf wants one of his own. I think that says something haha.

    And look! I left an amazon link for you! Which of course you can use when you lose chapstick #2.