Friday, December 31, 2010

Reflections on the end of 2010

It seems like just last week, I was writing a sappy post for the holidays, and here I go again, writing another one for New Years. Well I'll try and keep the sap factor lower this time. :D

As you all venture out into the not so cold night, I want to wish you all a happy new year and implore you all to get home safe. Not only because I care about all of you and don't want any of you to get hurt, but also if you die, you'll stop reading my blog...

Oh and I'll miss you a ton. Yeah that too :D



All joking aside, please be safe and get home (or at least to someplace where you can lay down and sleep....or not sleep ;) ) and have a great 2011

Here are a list of my resolutions:

1) Write more posts for TILT.

2) Start laddering 1v1s again in Starcraft 2

3) Have fun at work every day (shouldn't be terribly difficult)

4) ??????????????

5) Profit

I'm sure there are more, including the obligatory lose weight, get in better shape, stop eating like a pig, stop punching teenage girls and no more kidnapping and eating the neighbors. I already know all that stuff so you don't even need to bring it up. It all goes without saying...

...And that's what I...well didn't really learn....I guess...wrote today?

Now go out there and have fun!

As was said by one of the great wordsmiths of our generation:

"There's a place I know if you're looking for a show - where they go hardcore and there's glitter on the floor - And they turn me on, when they take it off - when they take it off, everybody take it off"
~Prof. Ke$ha PhD

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

...Self-Righteousness is the bane of good causes...

You might not know it given the ever cynical tone of my blog...but I'm actually FOR a lot of things. Good things too. Various causes and beliefs that I feel the vast majority of people would agree with. I'm pro-choice, I believe in being green, and I am for gay marriage just to name a few. These are all things that I do believe in and that I do care about deeply. And generally speaking, I support the organizations that work towards these causes. That said, I've noticed that, and I'm sure people who fall on the other side of the fence from me on these issues will attest, that those who tend to work for organizations with the goal of bettering the world in the manner that they see fit, tend to be incredibly self righteous snobs.

How did I come across this topic you might ask? Well today I was toddling around a few articles related to green technologies and I came across a link in one of these articles that was supposed to lead to a related article on Greenpeace's website. Well unfortunately for me, this link ended up leading nowhere. Now for those of you who don't know, many websites have taken to crafting their own "page not found" page, rather than just using the generic 404 Error page that most browsers display on their own. They do this for many reasons, the most important of which is that they get to keep you on their site, where you are more likely to click on their links to read more of their content (It's your eyeballs they're after!!!!).

Well most websites simply put up a generic "Oh we're sorry....but you seem to have found a part of our site that either no longer exists, or never existed in the first place. Please try again, or maybe Google can help you find what you're looking for!" (not Bing....Google...It's always Google...) But Greenpeace? No they can't leave well enough alone...they can't simply say "Sorry this page isn't here". No...they have to take it one step further. Take this page for example....which I just made up....

Go on...read what they have to say...go on...


Read it? That's right. They GUILT TRIP you WHILE you're busy surfing THEIR site. I'm sorry Greenpeace, I know you're VERY disappointed in me for going to YOUR website and having the GALL to look up a page that YOU didn't create. How DARE I!

Seriously Greenpeace, I'm on your site, looking up information that you're putting up about saving the environment. Being a smug, self-righteous asshole about how pious and eco-friendly you are isn't endearing myself to your cause. In fact, chances are, people who are far less eco-minded than myself probably closed their computer, went outside, burned a gallon of gasoline on their front lawns, turned their heaters up all the way and punched a dolphin in the face because of you. Making people feel like shit is NOT a good way of making friends...You can ask the 3 people that still read my blog...

...And that's what I learned today.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

...People still freak out over snow storms...

I don't know if you had an experience like this, but I assume that the majority of you have experienced a snowstorm as the vast majority of my readership is in New England...Thanks to facebook....(though I really shouldn't assume this as people from other parts of the world might read this at some point...so...if you don't get snow, haven't experienced a blizzard or are offended by snow....look away?)

Where was I....OH right the snow storm. Well working off of the logic that I have now alienated, or at least temporarily driven away everyone who doesn't get snow, the REST of you (all 4 of you still reading....) have likely lived through a major snowstorm of some sort. Do you remember what that feels like? Especially when you were a kid? A snowstorm meant excitement. Playing outside, snowball fights, snow angels, snow forts, snow-people (don't wanna be sexist now....), all great things. When you were teenagers, it meant time off of school, sledding, skiing/snowboarding, exciting adventurous types of activities. Well I never realized this until this year, but for your mom and dad, all those years New England opted to dump a ton of the white powdah (NO NOT COCAINE!) on us, well those snow storms apparently inspired sheer and utter terror in our parents.

Yep you read that right. As I (even now as I'm reaching the tender age of goddamn 23) immaturely contemplated the numerous fun things to do in the snow, my parents, (my dad specifically) seemed to have a much more...apocalyptic view of the weather. As the sky darkened during the morning of this past Sunday, my father paced around the house nervously. He checked and rechecked the fridge, as if to make sure we would have enough supplies. At one point, he even suggested going out to the grocery store to stock up and make sure we had enough. How much snow were we due to get? 15". That (my dear mathematically challenged readers, is just a little over 1 foot). I've lived through worse blizzards than that in my lifetime....specifically the 1993 "Storm of the century". (when it's got a name like that, I imagine it being shouted in that super cliche way...you know with the deep voice and the bellowing echo that follows? Yeah that)

For those of you who don't quite remember, that storm (while it didn't hit Boston all that hard) dumped 20 inches of snow in Worcester...Not all that bad right? Well we weren't hit the hardest. Boone, North Carolina got 33 inches, Lincoln New Hampshire got 35, and Snowshoe (ironyyyyyyy) West Virginia got 54 fucking inches of snow! Even Birmingham Alabama, who normally gets a measly inch of snow got a massive 17 inches! Just look at this radar map. The storm looks like a goddamn Alien mating forcefully with the ENTIRE eastern seaboard!

Well this storm, though FAR less powerful and thus FAR less interesting, had apparently worried my dad to the point of genuine concern. I don't know what kinds of thoughts were going through his mind...becoming stranded from humanity in our household, running out of food, losing power and heat, being forced to resort to eating pets and cannibalism before slowly dying of hypothermia....probably something like that...

Well if a stupid little snowstorm is enough to freak adults out that much, I don't think I ever want to grow up (and so far...I'm on track :P )

...And that's what I learned today.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Happy holidays everyone!

No there won't be a real post tonight, besides I hope you all would have better things to do than spend your Christmas Eve reading my blog anyways :P

I just wanted to take this time to say thank you to all my regular readers (and a big extra special thanks to everyone who comments!). I would have quit doing this long ago had it not been for the fact that you all keep coming back and reading. It's almost as if you guys think I'm interesting or something :) But in all seriousness, this side project of mine has been a bigger success than I could have ever imagined already (that's how low my standards were....) and it keeps looking better and better each day. So thank you again and thank you once more for your continued readership. Hopefully I won't disappoint you with my lame content anymore :P

Also, have a Merry Non-Denominational, Non-Religious, Non-Politically-Incorrect, Bill-O'Reily-Annoying Christmas filled with food, gifts, friends, family and joy. I'll resume my regular (HAH THAT'S A LAUGH) posting schedule on monday. #<(:-P) <----- That's a dude wearing a party hat....

PS: If you were offended by this, I'm surprised you made it this far into my blog without already attempting to track me down and have me assassinated...but have a nice day and make sure you look both ways before crossing the street :)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

...Snow is both a blessing and a curse...

I love snow. I personally think there are few things on this earth that are prettier than newly fallen snow. The quiet the snow brings makes the world feel peaceful and draws me away from the hectic world around me. New snow is the embodiment of tranquility, the epitome of calm, the nirvana that so many seek to find in their day to day lives. I love the snow (Not necessarily the cold...but the snow for sure) and all the meaning it brings to my life.

Well recently, my wish came true and it snowed. The snow was glorious, even in downtown Boston as I walked across the Mass Ave bridge or stood on the roof deck of my friend's dad's swanky Boston penthouse. The snow was as beautiful out here as it was in the suburbs. Well this same snow proved to be quite the double edged sword.

I have friends who live in other parts of the country, but I am always reminded of those who live in Washington DC, or the rest of Maryland, where if it snows an inch, an immediate state of emergency is declared, schools are canceled for weeks, everyone begins stocking up on emergency supplies, the vehicular mortality rate triples instantly and the president is choppered away to his secret bunker in Malibu. Well today I realized that we here in Massachusetts aren't all that much better.

Sure we don't get a month off to wait for that insidious white slippery stuff to go away on its own. Sure we're more used to the snow and are thus BETTER prepared for winter driving. That said, and I'm talking to you Massachusetts drivers (specifically all of you who were in my way trying to get to work today), why is it that when there is snow on the ground do you all forget how to drive? No really, the roads are plowed and salted and sanded and yet you still are ADAMANT about driving 15 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone.

I get why you do it. You're worried that if you go at all too fast, you will crash, your car will flip exactly 5 times in the air (but never any more than that) and instantaneously catch fire and burn your mangled bloody body to a crisp. I understand that that is a real risk, yes. But I also understand that it's already dark enough when I wake up for work, I don't feel as though I need to wake up EARLIER when it's DARKER because YOU have forgotten which pedal makes car go zoom. Am I being selfish? Probably, but I'm guaran-fucking-tee you this though has gone through your mind more than once in the past (and according to the catholic church, you might as well have just run the poor bastard in front of you off the road AND flipped them off while taking the lord's name in vain ALL at the same time) so don't pretend as though you have any moral high ground in the matter. The fact is, we all have places to go and things to do, and everyone collectively freaking out about the "road conditions" (which again have been PLOWED, SALTED AND SANDED) and the imminent doom the face by simply stepping out of their front doors is BEYOND ridiculous.

Am I suggesting you speed? No, I'm suggesting you drive at a speed that couldn't be outrun by my puppy (though to their credit, he is a speedy little fucker). Drivers of Massachusetts, I have faith in you. I know that most of you have been driving for quite some time now, most of you have probably been driving longer than I have. I believe in your skill. I know that you had to learn to drive in blustery winters of years past. And I'm fairly certain that those skills (which are tested and refreshed EVERY YEAR) have NOT gone away. So all I ask is that you please have faith in yourself and drive FASTER than a goddamn WALKING pace. I'm sure we can all make this winter far less stressful (because frostbite and seasonal depression aren't enough) if we all just got together and remembered that we've been driving for X number of years, and that includes winters with snow...

...And that's what I learned today. (props go to Jesse for reminding me of my god awful commute this morning...)

...I have a problem buying games...

I like games....I like them a lot...and I like games across many genres...this creates a problem...typically for my wallet....

But now that I have a job, I've discovered a whole new problem when it comes to buying and playing games.

I've only been at this full time employment thing for about two months or so (if that) and I'm finding a whole new set of challenges arise when I spend 8 hours of my day working (and probably 3 hours of my day going to and from that workplace). That is to say, I really don't have much time to play games anymore. Not that my lack of time stops me, but they're not the same long game-fests they used to be in college. There used to be a time where I would get back from class at 2, take a nap until 3 and then play games until dinner. Nowadays I typically just try and squeeze in an hour or two here and there whenever I can.

"But Eric!" I hear you yell, "That's not such a bad thing. At least you get to keep playing!"

I will give you that, but there's more to it than that...you'll see...be patient.

Another issue I'm running into when it comes to games is that...well...put it simply, I have money, so I buy games...In fact I buy too many games now...

"But Eric!" You protest again, "How is that a bad thing? That just means you have more games to play!"

Right, but do you remember problem number 1? No? Ok well go back and read it....Did you put it all together? No? Do I have to spoon feed you everything? Ok fine....

The fact of the matter is, games typically take somewhere around 8-10 hours to finish for a shooter, upwards of 60 for a long RPG (that's Role Playing Game...not that thing that terrorists shoot at hum-vees...and NO NOT THAT KIND OF ROLE PLAYING EITHER...pervs...) ANYWAYS! Bearing in mind that those totals are hours of continuous game play, a typical game can take quite a while. And given that I don't have much time to play these games, many of them fall by the wayside, like orphaned puppies they stare at me, begging to be played with. But at the rate that new games come out, some will inevitably be forgotten, laying there collecting dust, uncompleted, their destiny never realized.

A list of games I have never completed thanks to this phenomenon:

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2
Red Dead Redemption
Left 4 Dead 2
Borderlands
Fable 2
Dragon Age Origins
Need For Speed Most Wanted
Fable 3 (not even out of the plastic yet)
Samurai Warriors 2
GTA4 (this one was not my fault though...stupid game glitch...)
Far Cry Predator (Shitty game...not worth playing anyways...)

Games I STILL haven't devoted enough time to:

Assassins Creed 2
Starcraft 2
Team Fortress 2 (jesus that's a lot of 2's....)
Call of Duty: Black Ops (haven't really even touched zombie mode yet...)
Settlers of Catan (Not a video game but...shut up...)

So as I sit here, writing my blog post, games piling up by the side of my TV, I can't help but smile, knowing that I will be spending my long weekend overrunning puny terran forces with the might of my zerg army, stealthily assassinating Venetians in Renaissance Italy, and getting every racial epithet thrown at me across Xbox Live as I drive remote control cars piled high with plastic explosives into the kneecaps of my unsuspecting foes. This should be a good long weekend.

...And that's what I learned today.

Monday, December 20, 2010

...Sarah Palin is stealing Dragonology's style...

...In terms of book publishing at least...

Ok this probably requires some qualification. I was at Barnes and Noble yesterday and was busy wandering through the various aisles just staring at books (wearing the 3d glasses I had just gotten after watching Tron). When I got to the biography section, a book, nay, a veritable Monopoly-box sized monument to Alaskan patriotism stood before me. (No seriously, the thing was the size of a standard monopoly-box...) Standing gracefully across it's cover, Sarah Palin grinning coyly at me. Perturbed and intrigued by this book 'o Palin, I opened it up...only to realize it didn't quite open...No dear readers, this was actually just a fancy sleeve for the large book inside.

Sliding the book out of the sleeve, I was immediately struck by the pages of this book, and how strange gaps had seemed to develop between what should have been flush pages. Well little did I know that David Lifton had taken a page from the previous encyclopedia sized tomes that had come before it. Clearly Mr. Lifton was a fan of such books as Dragonology and Pirateology (the two bestselling titles in the famed -ology series). For those of you who have never experienced the wonder that is the -ology series of literature, allow me to explain. These book are veritable tomes of knowledge for whatever prefix precedes -ology. There are 32 pages of beautiful illustrations and wonderful lore about dragons that would make your 9 year old boy or girl positively gleam with fantastic wonder and joy. But most interesting of all, the Dragonology book poses as a real diary of one of the worlds foremost dragonologists. It is a truly interactive experience with fake notes taped to the pages, hastily scrawled letters in sleeves and even a sample of real dragon skin (if memory serves correct). All these extras lend credence to the illusion that this book, bought from any average bookstore, is actually the long lost journal of a great adventurer. It was designed specifically to immerse your child in this world, whatever that world may be, be it dragons, pirates or otherwise.

Well apparently Mr. Lifton was SO moved by these books that he set out to make his own, not about the far off mystical lands of dragons and pirates...no he wrote it about Sarah Palin...he wrote it about reality. And yes this behemoth of right wing conservative nonsense featured many of the same aspects of the -Ology series of books. Faux campaign bumper stickers, reproduced thank you notes, various letters and inserts (no fake dragon skin...or Palin skin for that matter...I'm sorely disappointed Mr. Lifton...) adorned the 30 some-odd pages. Now I have to ask Mr. Lifton, did you really think the world would truly benefit from a book such as this? Do you really thing something as boring and depressing as politics would shine when applied to such a format? Did you really think that this book belongs in the "biography" section? Well if you answered yes to any of these questions (and I KNOW you answered yes to ALL of them...because that's the book you wrote) you need to get your head checked. Quite frankly, I'm insulted on the behalf of Palin's constituency (at least the portion who aren't already ordering this off of the Barnes and Noble website already excitedly clapping their hands like a walrus about to be fed) that you would treat them with such disrespect and mock their intellects in such a way as this. No grown adults do not need this format of book. Not saying that I don't think it is a wonderful idea, but this is kids stuff. And unless you're trying to corrupt our children (yes I used that wonderful Fox News buzz phrase) with the promise of "Real letters from the desk of Sarah Palin!", then I suggest you pick a format that not only does justice to your intelligence and writing abilities, but also pays the proper respect to the subject matter at hand......oh wait.....


...And that's what I learned today.