Thursday, May 19, 2011

...It's the end of the world as we know it...

...and I feel fine. Actually I feel kind of twitchy, but that's only because I recently drank a Worx Energy Shot (think 5 hour energy but no calories...cuz you know how fattening those damn 5 hour energies are...) Seriously though, this is probably the most awake I've felt all day, and on top of that, i can taste colors! Right, back to the point, I'm apologizing right here and right now if this post seems kind of...wander...y...because that's how my brain is working right now (that is more or less circumventing what little mental filter I ever had). Seriously, go look at my twitter stream and you'll see EXACTLY where things started to go downhill.

So here's the deal, apparently the world is ending this Saturday at around 6PM, as predicted by some christian radio station out on the West Coast. Now normally the vast majority of thinking people, would simply pay this small band of nutjobs no heed, but thanks to our recent obsession with the end of the world (take for example the movie 2012 or every other show that now plays on the History Channel...isn't that a bit fucked up? That the goddamn HISTORY channel is playing shows predicting the future? Seriously guys, go back to repeat episodes of WW2 stuff and that god awful red-neck circus called Pawn Stars), people are actually perking up their ears and paying attention. CNN has written a good blog post on the issue, recounting the stories of several individuals who have given up all their worldly possessions, forsaking their homes for large RVs upon which they have slathered their doomsday logos, travelling from city to city handing out pamphlets urging people to save themselves before Jesus makes his return. (When asked by the CNN journalist if they could cover their gatherings on saturday prior to being raptured, they effectively said "why's the end of the world...not like anyone's going to edit that or even watch it afterwards anyways" which really just reads as a polite way of saying "no and go fuck yourself").

Maybe this is just typical me, but I've always kind of thought the end of the world would know...later. When faced with the culmination of my own life, it does make me pause for thought so that I may reflect on what I've done before I am plunged into years of battle and suffering against the Anti-christ and his legion of demon soldiers (because there is NO fucking way I am getting raptured). And, as you all probably already know, I'm not entirely sold on this end of the world idea yet. I mean, Y2K was probably the closest thing we had to a real end of the world scenario and what happened? One blockbuster video charged ONE guy 100 years worth of late fees. That was it. No glitchy nukes firing from Russian, no resetting of the entire world's credit records, no epic worldwide fact, not even a single computer had the common decency to gain sentience and try to take control of the world. The year 2000 passed with barely a hiccup and everything ended up fine. And THAT doomsday prophecy was based off of something real, something tangible, not just a 2000 plus year old book that has been cobbled together over centuries translated, edited, altered, translated again and reprinted at least a dozen times. To say that things MIGHT have gotten lost in translation is an incredible understatement. I mean, lets be honest, even in this day and age, they can't properly translate simple Chinese toy assembly instructions into proper English, let alone a language that has been dead for a couple fucking millenia.

I'll take this time to address my theory on the 2012 end of the world notion as well. This one is apparently based off of the Mayan Calendar ending (which, to their credit, was an incredibly accurate piece of work). There are a good number of people who subsequently took this to mean that the end of the world would end in the year 1012, you know, cuz the rest of their calendar was so accurate and all. Personally speaking though, I think that the dude just got tired of making the fucking thing. I mean, the "calendar" we're talking about here isn't some tearaway paper deal. It's a fucking slab of stone that dates back to the 5th century BCE...that's right the 5th fucking century. That means that motherfucker that carved that son of a bitch carved 25 centuries into a giant fuck-off stone block. Quite frankly, if I carved all of that, I'd want to fucking stop after a while. I'd be all "Here's your goddamn calendar, if you need a new one after that one runs out, then I'll make another one...for now, I'm gonna go take a fucking nap".

Anyways, we've had our doomsday theories before, and I'm sure we'll have even more coming. I guess what really sets this one apart from the rest is the fervor with which people are obeying it. I mean seriously, people gave up everything they owned. EVERYTHING. How embarrassed are they going to be when sunday rolls around, and everybody gets up like nothing happened and goes about their business as usual. THEY DON'T HAVE HOUSES ANYMORE. Now THAT is some poor planning. For now though, lets just take it for what this date really is, just another excuse for everyone to get plastered and make terrible decisions (because I mean really, how often in life can you use the line "It's the end of the world baby, you don't wanna die alone do you?")

...And that's what I learned today.

1 comment:

  1. Maybe I'll get lucky and I can score some stuff off those who believe that garbage.
    I'll be still here on sunday and the 22nd of december 2012. Since Y2K turned out so terribly.....