Tuesday, November 1, 2011

...The state of politics in this country is a sad affair...

This blog post is thanks to my cool, gay (soon to be ex :( ) room mate James.

Firstly, I want you to skim this article. Go on, I'll wait.

All set? Good.

Now I'm sure the first thing you're thinking of right now is "Oh that's horrible, I can't believe a fast food chain would do such a thing! I love gay people! They're great! I'm never going to eat Chick-fil-A ever again!" or perhaps even something like "Go figure...the south is at it again..."

And that is all well and good, but I'd like to draw your attention in a slightly different direction. This isn't about southerners, this isn't about the definition of traditional marriage or gay rights or any of that political nonsense. (Not to say it's not important, that's just not the kind of blog this is....all serious 'n shit...)

No lets focus on the fact that a company is making donations to anti-gay foundations...a company...that is primarily concerned...with the production and sale...of fried...fucking...chicken...

Am I the only one seeing something wrong with this? Yes I understand that it is nothing new for companies to donate to charities and that many companies take part in this practice. I mean even McDonalds has that little donation box thing near their registers that gives your unwanted pocket change to a charity which apparently prides itself in building freakishly colorful Kremlin building replicas in other parts of the world. It's not the donating thing that gets to me...Do me a favor, go back to the beginning of that article again...go ahead...I'll wait.

Did you read that first sentence? No? Fine I'll copy it here. It says:

"The Georgia-based fast-food chain Chick-fil-A has never hid its conservative leanings"

I'm sorry but what? A fast food company can have "conservative leanings?" How the fuck does that work? THEY MAKE GODDAMN FRIED CHICKEN. I don't know about you, but I don't really like the people who make FUCKING FRIED CHICKEN to tell me what is morally right or not.

And it's at this point that we start to get to the root of the issue. The problem here is corporations meddling with political affairs. Companies should concern themselves with the issues around their company. In this case, Chick-fil-A should really be focusing on the product they make (fried chicken), their customer base (mall-goers), their operations (acquiring cutting edge fried chicken technologies), and their locations (that super hot location between the Sbarro and that generic place that sells "cajun food", usually called "Big Easy", "Cajun Grill", or "Down in N'Orleans we eat this shit all day but if you eat it you'll shit your brains out for a week"). The last thing that a FRIED CHICKEN COMPANY should be concerning themselves with is who their next door neighbor is marrying or what the definition of family is.

Maybe this is all just me. Maybe I grew up during a time where companies didn't meddle with the political goings on (or perhaps I was just too concerned with pokemon and picking my nose to notice/care). But the fact is, there should be no reason that a corporation should have political leanings of any kind, conservative, liberal or otherwise. A corporation should concern itself with one thing, and that is their product. I don't give a fuck if the CEO of that company donates to whatever charity or organization he or she wants, that is their right as an American no matter how much I personally disagree with the motive of the organization they donate to (though donating to an organization that has been classified as a Hate Group ain't right). So here's a quick pro-tip Chick-fil-A. If you spent nearly as much money donating to disallowing gays to marry as you did improving your chicken recipe, maybe...JUST MAYBE...you'd be able to find some semblance of success up here in the North East and finally breach that ever coveted top 10 spot that you can't seem to grasp. KFC doesn't tell me what to do or think and so far as I can tell, they're still beating your asses in the rankings, so suck on those 11 secret herbs and spices.

...And that's what I learned today...

PS: In case you were wondering, Chipotle would seek looser immigration laws, Subway would support legislation stating that tessellating cheese triangles is punishable by law, White Castle would look to legalize pot, Wendy's is a firm activist for women's equality in the work place (as well as a major backer for Gingers' rights) and Burger King is looking to reorganize our government into a Parliamentary Monarchy, headed by none other than the king himself.


  1. Clap...



    Truth, son. Also, the very idea that being "conservative" is something that you have to "learn" is genuinely disconcerting. It's warped that the people running Chik-fil-A (did we misspell that right?) will probably lump their loathsome charitable tendencies in with a more left-leaning company's compassion for the environmental preservation, as an example.

    So how's that for disgusting?